If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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