i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
