Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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