I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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