we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
