I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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