Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
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Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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