My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
