My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
