I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
