Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
