Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
