you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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