I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
