On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
