Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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