u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
