She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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