I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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