she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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