fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
