So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
