You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
