non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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