I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
