i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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