I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
