she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
