you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
