I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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