just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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