I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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