He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
