she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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