Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
