he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
