how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
