If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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