we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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