i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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