I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
