Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
