good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Less talking, more tequila
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
