Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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