Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
