I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
