My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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