He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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