Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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