its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
