Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
