Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
