I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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