You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
