i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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