Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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