I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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