You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
