Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
