he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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