I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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