it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
