there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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