evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
