YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
