I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
