Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
