Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
