ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
