i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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