If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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