i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
