he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
