His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
