She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
