mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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