As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
