If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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